NYTimes Connections
- Bill_J - Dec 25, 2024 - 9:02am
NY Times Strands
- Bill_J - Dec 25, 2024 - 8:56am
Wordle - daily game
- maryte - Dec 25, 2024 - 8:56am
Radio Paradise Comments
- buddy - Dec 25, 2024 - 8:47am
Trump
- Proclivities - Dec 25, 2024 - 8:22am
Derplahoma!
- Red_Dragon - Dec 25, 2024 - 8:03am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - Dec 25, 2024 - 7:59am
Things You Thought Today
- Antigone - Dec 25, 2024 - 7:35am
Rhetorical questions
- oldviolin - Dec 24, 2024 - 10:59pm
New Music
- William - Dec 24, 2024 - 8:43pm
Musky Mythology
- R_P - Dec 24, 2024 - 6:08pm
Psychiatric Drugs Replacing Talk Therapy
- Steely_D - Dec 24, 2024 - 5:18pm
TWO WORDS
- kurtster - Dec 24, 2024 - 5:15pm
Israel
- R_P - Dec 24, 2024 - 4:51pm
Live Music
- oldviolin - Dec 24, 2024 - 4:46pm
Rock Movies/Documentaries
- buddy - Dec 24, 2024 - 4:38pm
Republican Party
- Steely_D - Dec 24, 2024 - 4:11pm
Billionaires
- Steely_D - Dec 24, 2024 - 4:07pm
What Are You Going To Do Today?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Dec 24, 2024 - 3:53pm
Radio Paradise NFL Pick'em Group
- GeneP59 - Dec 24, 2024 - 3:20pm
Gotta Get Your Drink On
- Isabeau - Dec 24, 2024 - 2:46pm
December 2024 Photo Theme - Lighting
- Isabeau - Dec 24, 2024 - 2:42pm
The Obituary Page
- rgio - Dec 24, 2024 - 2:17pm
Capitalism and Consumerism... now what?
- Red_Dragon - Dec 24, 2024 - 8:00am
Who is?
- oldviolin - Dec 23, 2024 - 7:08pm
Lyrics that are stuck in your head today...
- oldviolin - Dec 23, 2024 - 7:03pm
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - Dec 23, 2024 - 6:54pm
Love & Hate
- oldviolin - Dec 23, 2024 - 6:34pm
Artificial Intelligence
- miamizsun - Dec 23, 2024 - 6:04pm
Democratic Party
- kurtster - Dec 23, 2024 - 5:44pm
RP App for Android
- konz - Dec 23, 2024 - 5:07pm
Outstanding Covers
- kurtster - Dec 23, 2024 - 2:32pm
Love It
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Dec 23, 2024 - 1:35pm
Great Old Songs You Rarely Hear Anymore
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Dec 23, 2024 - 1:33pm
COVID-19
- R_P - Dec 23, 2024 - 12:13pm
My Fav Ch on Roku and FireTV.
- skiman - Dec 23, 2024 - 11:18am
Mixtape Culture Club
- miamizsun - Dec 23, 2024 - 10:19am
Florida
- Red_Dragon - Dec 23, 2024 - 6:44am
Higher quality RP stream?
- Steve - Dec 23, 2024 - 6:19am
Joe Biden
- kurtster - Dec 23, 2024 - 2:51am
What Puts You In the Christmas Mood?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Dec 22, 2024 - 6:54pm
Smart-Assed Clique members only
- Red_Dragon - Dec 22, 2024 - 2:22pm
Sonos
- soozbc - Dec 22, 2024 - 12:10pm
Name Our Snowman
- buddy - Dec 22, 2024 - 9:33am
Name My Band
- GeneP59 - Dec 22, 2024 - 8:22am
Bluesky - instead of Twitter
- R_P - Dec 21, 2024 - 10:22pm
The Chomsky / Zinn Reader
- R_P - Dec 21, 2024 - 4:22pm
Poetry Forum
- Antigone - Dec 21, 2024 - 1:12pm
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - Dec 21, 2024 - 10:52am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - Dec 21, 2024 - 9:18am
Celebrity Face Recognition
- islander - Dec 20, 2024 - 3:11pm
A welcome from Poland
- welcmarek - Dec 20, 2024 - 9:14am
The Global War on Terror
- black321 - Dec 20, 2024 - 7:08am
Positive Thoughts and Prayer Requests
- kcar - Dec 19, 2024 - 10:54pm
Winter's Big Boy List of Stuff He Really Wants and Stuff
- sunybuny - Dec 19, 2024 - 5:03pm
Bob Dylan
- ScottFromWyoming - Dec 19, 2024 - 3:29pm
Art Show
- haresfur - Dec 19, 2024 - 2:04pm
Regarding Birds
- Manbird - Dec 19, 2024 - 1:32pm
MIXES
- R_P - Dec 19, 2024 - 12:12pm
Helpful Hints
- oldviolin - Dec 19, 2024 - 10:50am
If not RP, what are you listening to right now?
- ScottFromWyoming - Dec 19, 2024 - 7:44am
Are you ready for some football?
- GeneP59 - Dec 19, 2024 - 6:47am
Russian greetings
- William - Dec 18, 2024 - 8:11pm
Dialing 1-800-Manbird
- Manbird - Dec 18, 2024 - 6:19pm
TV shows you watch
- miamizsun - Dec 18, 2024 - 3:27pm
Country Up The Bumpkin
- black321 - Dec 18, 2024 - 2:06pm
What Makes You Laugh?
- oldviolin - Dec 18, 2024 - 10:53am
Block Artists
- Proclivities - Dec 18, 2024 - 10:22am
Animal Resistance
- Isabeau - Dec 18, 2024 - 10:06am
Drones
- R_P - Dec 17, 2024 - 2:47pm
Baseball, anyone?
- geoff_morphini - Dec 17, 2024 - 2:31pm
Learn something every day
- islander - Dec 17, 2024 - 2:08pm
France
- miamizsun - Dec 17, 2024 - 11:02am
Interviews with the artists
- black321 - Dec 17, 2024 - 10:40am
Playlist history
- R_P - Dec 17, 2024 - 10:01am
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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 6, 7, 8 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 10:10am |
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Proclivities wrote: I used to work on a navy base and was having lunch in the consolidated mess when the old salt that was the deputy director for the branch we worked for started in on a tirade about people always misusing the word dock. "A dock IS NOT the thing you walk on! That is a pier. A dock is the space between two finger piers where the ship is." When he had finished I asked him if he had three finger piers would that be a paradox? He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. It was wonderful.
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Proclivities
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:39am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:And they're always docking your pay too.
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:35am |
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aflanigan wrote:I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
And they're always docking your pay too.
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aflanigan
Location: At Sea Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 8:24am |
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I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 2, 2015 - 3:45pm |
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael said: Just a minute I have to go for a leak. The teacher responded by saying: That would be rude and most impolite. The teacher then asked of another student What about you, Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. That's better, said the teacher, But it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Then the teacher looked at our mate, little Johnny, saying And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners. Little Johnny said: I would say: darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you after dinner.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Dec 31, 2014 - 10:00am |
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Woman places ad seeking a man who will never hurt her, will never abandon her and who is great in bed. After several candidates being turned down she hears her door bell ring. She opens the door to find an armless and legless man in a wheel chair. She offers him $5 thinking he is collecting for charity but he explains that he is there for the interview. She looks at him and says, "but you have no arms." He replies, "but you wanted a man who would never hit you." The woman then says, "but you have no legs." To which the man replies, "but you wanted a man who would never abandon you." She pauses and then says, "but I also want a man who is great in bed." The man puts on a cheeky grin and says, "so how do you think I managed to ring the door bell? "
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Dec 24, 2014 - 3:07pm |
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The Talking Clock:
A man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends, late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet sitting on the dresser. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the friends asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", he replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked the astonished friend. "Yup", he replied."How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch:". He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back, smiling proudly. The three stood looking at one another for a moment, as the pulsating resonances filled the room. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You *%#***!!!. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Nov 30, 2014 - 11:51am |
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I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side."
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black321
Location: An earth without maps Gender:
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Posted:
Sep 23, 2014 - 1:36pm |
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Myron Greenberg, a wealthy L.A. businessman received a letter of Audit from the IRS. It really upsets him and he called his accountant, Saul Meyers. Myron (pleading): "Saul, what are they doing to me? Why are they doing this to me?" Saul (calming): "Myron, don't worry about it. I've got all the receipts, the account is up to date, it's no problem. But let me give you a bit of advice. When you go to the Audit, make a bad impression. Wear the crummiest, dirtiest clothes you've got. Have holes in your shoes, ripped pants and look shabby. I mean really look terrible, because if they have a little sympathy, they'll go easy on you." Then Myron called his Lawyer, Charlie Steinberg. His Lawyer said: "Myron, it's no problem, I'm sure they got the receipts, I'm sure everything is up to date, you've got a great accountant, don't worry about it. Let me give you a tip. When you go to the Audit, it's very important that you make a good impression. Wear your best suit, and your shirt with a silk tie and cuff links and shine your shoes, look like somebody. Because if you look like a somebody they respect you and will go easy on you." And now he's torn. And that night he bumped into his Rabbi at the Deli. And he told the Rabbi the story. Rabbi: "Myron, it reminds me of sometimes when I perform a wedding. The bride's father will tell his daughter that on her wedding night to wear a nightgown with a high collar and long sleeves and a full-length robe...cover up, you know, be a little demure. And the mother says, 'Don't be silly. Wear a low cut "negligee" with the cleavage sticking out — look a little sexy'... and, Myron, I will say to you just like I say to the bride on her wedding night, it makes no difference what you wear, you're gonna' get fooked".
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miamizsun
Location: (3283.1 Miles SE of RP) Gender:
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Posted:
Sep 12, 2014 - 1:34pm |
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What’s The Difference Between a Lottery and An Election? An honest person might win a lottery.
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K_Love
Gender:
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Posted:
Aug 29, 2014 - 10:24pm |
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Guy's walking down the street, and a penguin starts following him. Cop asks the guy why he's walking a penguin. Guy says the penguin just started following him. Cop says to take him to the zoo. Next day, the cop sees the guy and the penguin at a bus stop. The cop asks why the guy didn't take the penguin to the zoo. The guy says, "I did take him to the zoo, and today I'm taking him to the history museum."
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:55am |
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ScottN wrote:Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original??
Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho?? It is my first recollection of it.
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ScottN
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender:
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:41am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:... Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original?? Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho??
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:39am |
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ScottN
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender:
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:33am |
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Man, with his pet fly, walks into a Michelin starred restaurant in Paris and orders:
First: I'll have Quiche au Rouquefort et aux Poireaux with an '82 Beaune du Bucherot (Burgundy) Next, I'll have Grenouilles a la Provencal with an ' 01 Chablis, Montmains, 1er Cru, Domaine Duplessis Then I'll have Le Filet de Saumon au Beurre Rouge.. let's stay with the Chablis. To finish: Fromage, poire, Repas de vilain. And a bottle of your best Sauterne
Oh, please bring some shit for my fly.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 19, 2014 - 7:49am |
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My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where the hell I am now...
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:30am |
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2cats wrote: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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2cats
Location: Oklahoma Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:28am |
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lily34 wrote: and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet. How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:50am |
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Coaxial wrote: don't forget to tip your servers!
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Coaxial
Location: Comfortably numb in So Texas Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:48am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
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