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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » ~ Have a good joke you can post? ~ Page: Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 27, 28, 29 ... 311, 312, 313  Next
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(former member)

(former member) Avatar

Location: hotel in Las Vegas
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2011 - 7:16pm


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."


aflanigan

aflanigan Avatar

Location: At Sea
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 21, 2011 - 6:55pm

 DaveInVA wrote:
An angry man calls his Doctor:
Doc, for all the good that enema did me I could have shoved it up my ass! Besides it tasted awful! 

 
Doc, did you know you have a suppository behind your ear?

Actually, I do, and I realized someone has my pen, but I'm not sure I want it back.


ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 18, 2011 - 9:16pm

 sharkartist wrote:
 free haircut.
 
Hey Sharkey!

DaveInSaoMiguel

DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar

Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 18, 2011 - 9:11pm

An angry man calls his Doctor:
Doc, for all the good that enema did me I could have shoved it up my ass! Besides it tasted awful! 
sharkartist

sharkartist Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 18, 2011 - 7:03pm

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I cannot accept money community service this week." The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week." The congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

justlistening

justlistening Avatar

Location: So. California
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 18, 2011 - 9:20am

I dialed a number and got the following recording: 
'I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call. 
I am making some changes in my life. 
Please leave a message after the 
Beep. If I do not return your call, 
You are one of the changes.' 


aflanigan

aflanigan Avatar

Location: At Sea
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 17, 2011 - 12:39pm

With the advent of spring, hibernating animals will again become active. The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING to remind hikers and campers to be careful in areas where bears may be encountered. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray to ward off bears.

Campers and hikers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, including bear droppings, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung.

Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it.

Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray
Proclivities

Proclivities Avatar

Location: Paris of the Piedmont
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 17, 2011 - 12:21pm

A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh.

-George Carlin (I think)


justlistening

justlistening Avatar

Location: So. California
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 17, 2011 - 11:39am

 aflanigan wrote:
You can say what you like about child molesters, but at least they drive slowly near schools and playgrounds.

 
okay, again eww.  but i did laugh.

aflanigan

aflanigan Avatar

Location: At Sea
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 17, 2011 - 11:33am

You can say what you like about child molesters, but at least they drive slowly near schools and playgrounds.
beamends

beamends Avatar



Posted: Feb 16, 2011 - 11:02am

 Proclivities wrote:

There was a fire at the circus; the flames were in tents.

 
Groan.........

Proclivities

Proclivities Avatar

Location: Paris of the Piedmont
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 16, 2011 - 9:37am

 aflanigan wrote:
There are reports that someone cut a hole in the fence surrounding the nudist colony.

The police are looking into it.
 
There was a fire at the circus; the flames were in tents.


HazzeSwede

HazzeSwede Avatar

Location: Hammerdal
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 16, 2011 - 12:48am

{#Arrowd}     {#Lol}    {#Doh}
justlistening

justlistening Avatar

Location: So. California
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 15, 2011 - 2:08pm

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, here is one:
 
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.  A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a 
son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.  Just 
then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
 
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.  Can you tell if that is
a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the
small tree.  He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, 
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.
lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Feb 14, 2011 - 11:12am

 beamends wrote:
The Police came round list night and said our dog hand been chasing a child on a bicycle. I told them to stop being stupid, our dog can't ride a bike.

 

{#Lol}
aflanigan

aflanigan Avatar

Location: At Sea
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 14, 2011 - 11:06am

There are reports that someone cut a hole in the fence surrounding the nudist colony.

The police are looking into it.

hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Feb 14, 2011 - 10:45am

 beamends wrote:
The Police came round list night and said our dog hand been chasing a child on a bicycle. I told them to stop being stupid, our dog can't ride a bike.

 
har har har

beamends

beamends Avatar



Posted: Feb 14, 2011 - 10:43am

The Police came round list night and said our dog hand been chasing a child on a bicycle. I told them to stop being stupid, our dog can't ride a bike.
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female


Posted: Feb 14, 2011 - 3:11am

 justlistening wrote:


"Get  the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Like....Helloooooo?....It's only 25 cents!!!!"
(disclaimer: I don't believe women can't be football fans so please excuse the sterotype)
 
{#Lol}   {#High-five}
justlistening

justlistening Avatar

Location: So. California
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 13, 2011 - 9:31pm

 aflanigan wrote:
What did the hungry clock do?

It went back four seconds.

 

Okay, if we're going there:

Why was 10 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.  {#Mrgreen}


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