One of my FB links popped up with this, this afternoon.... "I am who I am and your approval isn't needed." 

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 
I am impressed and pleased for you.

 justlistening wrote: 

 justlistening wrote: 


And thank you all for the good vibes and the lurve.

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 
excellent.

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 


I hope you find the outlook you're looking for  (I joke good-naturedly I hope you know)

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 
I hope the best for you.

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 
Good on you.

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 
proud of you

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 

 BillnDollarBaby wrote: 

Well.... my re-entry into therapy is paying off.  She's an hour drive away.  Tonight I had to drive home in the dark, a lightning storm and some rain sprinkles.  I wasn't thrilled, but I didn't melt down.  That's improvement.  Now if it had been full on raining, I'd likely be on the side of the road somewhere a county north of here melted into a sobbing mess.  But still.... there's some progress back towards normal and that's good.  Funny thing is, we're not directly addressing the driving issue.  I had the gut feeling some other things were really bothering me and exacerbating the anxiety issue.  Turns out I was right.  I have a long way to go on both fronts, but even a little progress feels good.

 Skaterella wrote: 
yup dysfunctional I understand for sure. I'm so sorry to hear that you were told that growing up. I can understand not wanting them to be involved in your childrens lives. If you ever decide to I would always be in the same room ready to whisk them away. 

My son and I were very close when he was young and then when he turned 13 all hell broke loose. By the time he was 16 my dad had passed and he and I were very close and I fell deep into depression. I wanted my son close but of course he was growing up and wanting to be with friends and was never home. I was in a bad relationship with his dad and when my son was 16 I took off and never looked back. Of course I called him and when he was 18 he moved with me in Los Angeles. Things were good when they were good but when they weren't he would go into a tirade about me leaving and I let him because he has a right to his feelings. We spent hours talking about how that hurt him and I have never told him that his feelings are wrong and things would be good again until they weren't and the cycle continues. So now we are like oil and water. I've apologized more than anyone will ever know and I blame myself every day for leaving but I couldn't cope with the abuse of his father (physical and mental), the loss of my dad and a kid that was basically out of control so I left. He is now 29yrs old and is still in the blame mode and I keep apologizing and probably will for the rest of my life.

 hippiechick wrote: 
thank you so much. It's not that they are restrictive it's more like they don't care how anyone else feels. If I say anything it's said that I'm making it all about me. Arrggg kids.....Hugs

 Manbird wrote: 
I met my grandson once when he was two and we've talked a couple of times on the phone and that is it. My son and I have a very stressful relationship at best and when my grandson was born they kept me away from him until I got to see him when he was two. He lives now with his mom and maternal grandparents because my son decided that being married wasn't for him about 2 months ago so that has also added to my grandsons stress. I just felt really bad for him today because he almost sounded scared. I have asked many times for them to let him call me once a week so that he can get used to it but that has never happened and now with this added stress on their little family I just need to stand down. 

As for being depressed yes I've been this way for probably most of my life. I grew up with a mother that spent most of her life in her bedroom while I raised my brother and sister. I take 200mg of Zoloft but sometimes that doesn't even cut it. I stopped therapy because it always made me feel worse dredging up all that crap that makes me feel this way. It's nice to know that there are others out in the world like me but also saddens me because we all deserve to be happy. Thanks for listening. Hugs 

I'm in a similar ( perhaps) but very different place than you Zissy. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. As a kid my mother constantly told me that my grandparents didn't like me. Now I have kids & my insane parents want a relationship with my kids but any involvement for me with them is basically abusive. I don't want to saddle my kids with the insanity I had as a kid so I don't tell them their grandparents are lunatics. It's very difficult. I don't mean to insinuate in any way that you are the problem - just that I feel your pain. Hope it gets better.

 Manbird wrote: 


Manbird, everything you say is true. Good advice too. My three kids live 3000 miles away from their grandparents. They would do the same thing when they were young and it came to talking on the phone to their grandparents. It does help if the parents are supportive, but Zissy manbird is right, don't despair. Email them, mail them, talk when you can. Just concentrate on the love you can give them and as they grow it will flow back to you.

 Zissy wrote: 
I don't see anything unusual about that. Kids are always made to call their grandparent and say hi. Little kids, of course, don't want to have a conversation with an adult. It's perfectly normal for the kid to want to go play, instead, or be shy on the phone. I used have to get on the phone and say hello to my grandparents and other relatives and I would grumble and mumble about it. Same with my son when I would put him on the phone with one of his grandparents. Complain, mumble, grumble. No big deal. totally normal and expected. I know there's probably more to this situation that's making you feel bad - but, really, what you describe sounds fine. I don't think he's being traumatized by being asked to say hi to you even if he doesn't want to. All you have to do is say hi this is grandma, I love you, now go play and have fun. As often as you want (or are allowed to?). Not a big deal. If that's really too much for the kid, send lot's of cards and stuff with you photo. One thing that I used to love was getting a package from one on my grandparents or Godparent. It really made me remember them and appreciate them even when I was really little. It sounds like you're really depressed - I can relate. I often go to bed when I'm too sad to cope. I really hope you feel better. Just know it's not forever - sometimes you just have to wait it out until there's a little break in the clouds then try and take advantage of it and start moving again